


Not a queen

by Mother of Heathens (chasing_the_wild_dream)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Son Relationship, Post-Season/Series 07 Finale, Slow Burn, Swan Queen - Freeform, Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28085670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasing_the_wild_dream/pseuds/Mother%20of%20Heathens
Summary: She's The Good Queen now.She rules a whole new world now.People accept and respect her these days.Some even call her a friend.And yet Regina feels empty in a way she has never felt before.A conversation with Wishverse Henry makes her see that she doesn't even know who she is and she makes a decision long overdue.A decision that will change everything.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	Not a queen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SmashleySimpson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmashleySimpson/gifts).



> _Hello everyone,  
>  I had the idea for this story a long time ago. The day the OUAT finale aired actually.  
> It might be an unpopular opinion but I absolutely hated what they did to Regina and I'll always load those imbeciles for the ending they gave her._
> 
> _I'll take certain liberties for this story because some of the stuff that happened in season 7 (throughout all the seasons actually) made me cringe.  
>  That's the beautiful thing about fanfiction though, isn't it?  
> We can simply bend the rules to our liking._
> 
> _Also: I want to dedicate this story to my dear friend **Ana**._
> 
> _Happy birthday, girl!  
>  I know the times are crazy but I hope your day is filled with lots of joy, love and laughter.  
> May all your dreams and wishes come true!_
> 
> _Tell the bat to give you some kisses from us over here._
> 
> _Thank you for your friendship, your loyalty and your unwavering support when it comes to my writing.  
>  For having faith in me when I can't seem to have any myself.  
> It makes all the difference._
> 
> _This is my gift to you.  
>  I hope I'll do you justice._
> 
> _Hugs,_  
>  Raven

_"Being queen means nothing." Young Regina_

Night had fallen hours ago and Regina only made it to her chambers now.

The festivities had been in her honor and while she had tried to slip away on a few occasions there had been no escaping Snow and her excessive need to show her affection and pride.

Snow was proud of her.   
The mere thought seemed so laughable, so ridiculous and yet it was the truth.

She was the queen now.   
The Good Queen.

They had sprung this on her without warning once again. No one had asked her if she wanted to carry that burden once more.

Did it even matter since the people had elected her? She was beyond touched, flattered really.

But was she ready to rule?   
Was she ready to bear the sacrifices that came with the crown again?

The kingdom was massive now since the realms had been united.   
Being queen meant so much responsibility.

Emma had said it was a new beginning and she had corrected her. She had told her it was a second chance. Unfortunately that second chance started the exact same way as her first chance had.

With a crown that she didn't really want.   
That she had never wanted.

But she hadn't dared to say "no" when David had asked her if she was ready.   
She didn't have enough time to think about it and everyone had been so happy that she had gotten caught up in the moment. 

She also didn't have the heart to disappoint anyone seeing that people wanted her to be their leader.

The problem was, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she didn't want to lead anyone anymore. People expected even more from her now that she was considered one of the good ones and she could feel the pressure like vines wrapping around her body, making it impossible for her to breathe.

It reminded her of her mother and of times long forgotten and it was all too much.

There was a knock on her chamber doors and it was only then that Regina realized that she had been standing in the dark for quite some time.

A flick of her wrist and all the candles were burning, bathing the room in a warm light.   
Another flick of her wrist engulfed her in purple smoke and left her in a purple nightgown and a fluffy black robe.

That was more like it.   
More like her.

Another knock.

"Do come in", she answered while she poured some wine into a goblet.   
A part of her hoped that it would be Emma, but to her big surprise it was her "son".

The son from another realm who had meant to kill her not too long ago.

"Henry! Is everything alright?"

He studied her for a moment, "I came to ask you that."

She took a sip of her wine before she answered, "I'm fine. Just tired."

"You're a terrible liar", he gave her a smile, quite goofy and triumphant, and it reminded her so much of the son she had raised.

"I don't know what you are talking about", she tried to reassure him and found that she didn't sound at all convincing.

"Can we talk?", Henry asked all of a sudden and Regina started to feel uneasy.

She gestured towards the loungers anyway, "Of course. Please, take a seat. Do you want anything to drink?"

He shook his head and dropped onto the lounger closer to the door which left Regina with the one next to the window.

Regina took another sip of wine and looked at him expectantly, "So?"

"You said something about second chances and new adventures today and it got me thinking", he started his explanation, "It's just...the realms have been united and so much has changed. And Henry is everything you wanted him to be and I'm...who am I? Where exactly do I fit in now? Where will I live? With Emma and Hook in Storybrooke? With Snow and David? With you?"

Gone was the skilled and confident young man she had fought not long ago.  
Left was another left and abandoned soul, unwanted and insecure and it broke Regina's heart.

"Henry."

"Don't call me that. I'm not...Henry. Not really. Am I?", he looked at her now, eyes wide, pleading her to make this right for him.

"You can be who you want to be, Henry. The choice is yours", Regina assured.

"So, if I don't want to be Henry you won't be mad? Because it's really weird that we're both Henry, you know? I want to be my own person."

Regina smiled at him, "No one is going to be mad at you. We'll love you all the same. Do you have an idea what you want to be called then?"

"Not yet", he returned her smile, "So, are you excited to be queen again?"

She hesitated, only for a second, but she hesitated, "I will do my best to be a fair ruler this time. It's an honor that people have put their faith in me of all people given our history."

"You don't want to be queen, do you?",  
Henry's eyes were intense, daring her to lie.

Regina wasn't ready to confess, wasn't ready to face what it would mean, "Why are you here? Why not tell Emma or Snow what you just told me?"

He saw the fear in warm brown eyes.   
The exhaustion.  
The defeat.  
"Because you would have died for me so I could be happy."

There.  
He said it.

Regina sighed heavily.

"It's weird, you know", Henry kept talking, "How everyone got their happy ending. But you're alone once again."

Wasn't that just the truth?  
Emma had Hook, Snow had David, Ruby had Dorothy. Henry had Ella.  
And it wasn't that she was jealous, no. She was happy for them.  
But why did she always have to lose everyone she cared about?  
The Evil Queen had Robin Hood, no matter which version.   
But The Evil Queen didn't have to be alone.  
And while she didn't consider a relationship the key to her happiness, at least not anymore, it still wasn't fair.

"You are more than the queen", Henry stated, "You are so many things to so many people. But who are you?"

That was the million dollar question, wasn't it?  
Who was Regina?

She chuckled bitterly, "Certainly not a queen. I never wanted to be queen. It meant nothing to me then and if I'm really honest...it doesn't mean much now either."

Regina took a big sip of wine afterwards, regretting the comment right away but it was too late now.

"What do you want?"

She shrugged helplessly, "I don't know. Back in the day when I was a young girl I dreamed of a simple life. Love. I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to be free. And we all know how that ended."

"You can still have that", Henry insisted and his determination reminded her so much of her own son.

Regina shook her head, "The people..."

"Screw them! Your whole life other people made decisions for you. They dictated your path. Your mother, Rumple. You went above and beyond to make up for your past mistakes. You saved everyone you could. You sacrificed. You suffered so much loss. Why don't you chose yourself for once? You said it's a second chance. And you wanna spend it carrying the burden of ruling again? Alone? Even The Evil Queen got a better shot at this new beginning than you."

Regina didn't speak for a long time.  
He was right.  
She knew he was right.  
But what should she do?

"What do you want me to do?", she looked him straight in the eye.

And there was that goofy smile again. The smile she hadn't seen in years because her Henry was all grown up and while he still smiled that smile, it wasn't the same anymore because he looked so much more mature these days.

"Be Regina. Not the Queen, good or bad. Not the mayor", Henry said it with so much conviction, it warmed her heart, "It's enough, you know? Being Regina I mean. They shouldn't always rely on you to fix their mess. It's not like they are all innocent. None of us are."

Regina wrapped her arms around herself because she felt like falling apart.

The young man who was so much like her son got up to face her.  
So much like Henry and yet so different.

"It's time, Regina. This is your second chance. Be happy. Be free. Be you."


End file.
